LANA DEL REY KICKS EMINEM’S ASS
HOLLYWOOD – Singer Lana Del Rey has attacked and beaten aging hip hop rapper Eminem to a pulp.
The attack took place in slick Los Angeles The Mayan where Eminem was socializing with some friends when the Young and Beautiful singer came in the club.
Witness DJ Marly Nefarious described what followed:
Lana was coming in the club and she had like her entourage and Eminem had his guys he was hanging with. Anyway, the second Lana saw him she made a beeline. Marshall Mathers sort of stood up with his arms out and this goofy grin. He was like expecting a hug cause in the past Lana had said what a big fan she was. But she slammed him in the throat with the flat of her hand. He fell to the ground and cracked his head on the corner of the table. But Lana hadn’t finished. She grabbed a hunk of his hair and pulled his head back then just started whupping on his face, punching him until his nose was just a bloody mush and he was crying and there was just this mess of blood and snot and tears.
Doorman Cecile Dunkins said:
It was like that film Raging Bull when the crowd ringside gets splashed with blood. Or when Jared Leto gets his face broken in Fight Club. Kinda reminded me of that. Lana’s saying ‘I’ll Ray Rice you, you f*cking bitch’. And Eminem is like weeping and begging, saying ‘It’s just a persona! It was ironic!’ And Lana’s like ‘You misogynistic asshole’ and she’s like dragging him around by his ears and it’s like tearing off and she puts her foot on his throat and he’s just gurgling and she lays about him with some serious kicking action. Eminem was like destroyed. And don’t think he’s actually used to, you know, actual violence.
The police arrived on the scene and twenty minutes later intervened. Eminem is recovering in a private clinic and Lana Del Rey treated customers to a stirring rendition of Summertime Sadness.
Eminem’s new album ‘I love Taylor Swift’ will be available on Monday.