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Friday 21 February 2020
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KUM BA YA: THE FIRST CHRISTIAN SEX MOVIE?

KUM BA YA: THE FIRST CHRISTIAN SEX MOVIE?

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the box office success of such Christian friendly movies as God’s Not Dead, Son of God and Heaven is For Real comes Kum Ba Ya, what makers are claiming to be the first big budget piece of Adult Entertainment specifically aimed at a Christian audience.

Ex-Porn actor and born again Christian Nathanial Felait explained the concept:

Some people believe that Christianity and sex don’t mix but we’re here to say otherwise. In our film, we have a series of saucy situations which will titillate but never deviate.

What’s the film about?

Brian (Greg Kinnear) loves Sarah (Rachel Evans Wood) who he first sees in church, but is occasionally worried by unclean thoughts. He seeks advice from Father Ralph (Ricky Gervais) who tells him that only Holy Matrimony will allow him to indulge in such pleasures of the flesh and only for the purposes of procreation. Not like his Best Gay Friend Stephen (Russell Brand) who has sex with man after man after man after man, but finds no fulfillment in such unnatural congress, as Brian can see when he repeatedly spies on him. Brian even watches Todd (Vince Vaughn) his neighbor having sex with his wife Emily (Mila Kunis), but Brian tries his best not to covet.

Wow.

 Finally, Sarah agrees to marry Brian and once bound by the holy bonds of matrimony according to the rituals of the Holy Church, Brian penetrates her again and again and again, in all sorts of positions and places, all for the purposes of procreation and all thoroughly approved by the many church leaders of all denominations who we consulted with on the making of the film. Some of them watching the film again and again and again just to make sure.  

Do you anticipate the full support of the Christian community for your movie?

The combination of holy morality and full unsimulated sex should bring out the Christian audience. We’ve heard that coach parties are being organised and whole theaters booked by church groups. The only complaints we’ve had have come from the Catholic priesthood who protested that the actors were all a bit too old.

Kum Ba Ya is coming soon!

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