Breaking News – Kristen Stewart sues Charles for alimony after claiming she had ‘weird, spiritual feelings’ playing Princess Diana in her new film, Spencer. With years of backdated child support owing, which could cost the Windsors millions of pounds, Kristen Stewart sues Charles. The Exec caught up with the actress to discuss the impending court case.
Kristen, Can you Tell Us Why-
Look here, what-what-what. You shall address one by one’s correct title. That is ‘Your Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts’. What-what-what.
Okay, If You Insist, Your Royal Highness, Princess Of Hearts.
That’s much better, what-what-what. It occurred to one while shooting one’s biopic, Spencer, that one’s ex, that is Prince Charles, owes me alimony. He’s never paid me a penny in child support.
I Don’t Like To Say This, But You’re Not Diana Spencer. She’s Been Dead For Years. You’re Kristen Stewart. A wonderful actress. But An Actress Nonetheless. Not Princess Diana.
Awf with his head! One has never been so insulted.
She Never Said Off With His Head – That’s The Queen Of Hearts in Alice In Wonderland.
How dare you sir. I am – That is – One is beloved the world round. Charities queue up out of the door for my patronage. I make them millions of pounds. One tried to deal with this amicably, but Prince Charles wouldn’t take my agent’s calls. The way one sees it, one is spiritually channeling Diana. Because one is the embodiment of all that she stood for. Charity, motherhood, ummm… opening hospitals and that. So, one is owed plenty dollar. We were not amused.
That was Queen Victoria
Let me state the position. Ladies first, yes?
I want to break free from your lies?
Freddie Mercury From Queen
Oh FUCK YOU!