KIRSTEN DUNST’S NOTES FOR WOMEN

HOLLYWOOD – Hi, my name is Kirsten Dunst. You might recall me from such brilliant films as Spider-Man 2 and Maria Antoinette! Lately I’ve been talking about men and women. And specifically women and some of my statements have been misinterpreted so I’m here to set things straight.

First things first. 

Men are men and women are women. Women should not be men. Nor should men be women. I’m not having a crack at homosexuals here either. No. Gay should be gay as well. And transgender should be transgender. Women should not be toothbrushes, nor should they be lamp posts, pencils, submarines, zebras or buckets of steamed mincemeat. Men, on the other hand, should never be burlap sacks, store fronts, German pastries or helicopters. Men should be men. Women should be women. I was shocked that what I said was controversial. It makes perfect sense to me. 

Second thing: 

The casting couch. Now I said something in an interview recently which upset people. All I said was that some women give off a vibe that leads to inappropriate situations. I don’t give off that vibe so I don’t get into those situations. People think I’m insinuating that women who are coerced into sex in order to advance their careers in some way shoulder the blame, but I’m not insinuating it, I’m inferring it. Insinuating doesn’t mean what you think it means. You have to know the meaning of words. Life would be simpler if we ALL understood that a casting couch is not a sex bed, unless it folds out (and most of them do).

So there you have it. Men and women are men and women and casting couches are casting couches. 

Any other questions?

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