KIM KARDASHIAN DOESN’T BREAK THE INTERNET

Kim Kardashian

HOLLYWOOD – Today Kim Kardashian who’s famous for something resolutely failed to break the internet.

Paper Magazine greased the lady down and put her on the cover in the hope that we were all brain celebrity bottom feeders. The large black bin liner that she is emerging was mistaken for satire by some.

As the day progressed ATMs continued to function, emails were set and received, IMDb did a feature on Whiplash, called What to See (SPOILER ALERT: Whiplash), birds flocked together ready to fly South, a satellite landed on a comet, President Obama and President Xi Jinping clinched a historic climate deal between the US and China, the Republican party promised to sabotage it, Mrs Harriet Almond 87 years old, breathed her last breath in a hospital room in Chicago surrounded by her children and grandchildren. They were sad to see her go but no one can deny she’d lived a full and happy life, though laced through with struggle and pain.

For a moment the traffic paused and a dog could be heard barking somewhere. A young woman called Jenny Brickland decided not to take her life. She took all the sleeping pills she had painstakingly collected over the last three weeks and dumped them in the trash. The reason for her change of heart, an episode of The Waltons was showing on cable and it brought back memories of her father and how devastated he would be if she were to leave them that way.  A postman walking home from his shift found a stray dog rooting in the garbage and acting on an impulse took it home. In the Pentagon, a high ranking official worked on the first draft of a novel about a high ranking Pentagon official who lives a secret imaginative life as a bee keeper. People across the globe maintained their internet connections. Facebook friends liked and shared, twitter tweeted,Iinstagram shared, movies were streamed, YouTube videos viewed and Kim Kardashian was Kim Kardashian sans pants.

Perhaps we’ve had enough. Perhaps the internet is strong enough.

Or perhaps the attempt to break the internet failed because we’ve already seen Kim’s ass. In fact, I’ve even got some of his albums.

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