KEVIN JAMES MOVIE CAREER DECLARED ILLEGAL
BREAKING NEWS – Kevin James movie career is declared illegal.
In a shock bill that has been passed by the federal government with no resistance from Democrats or Republicans, POTUS has signed the bill that now makes the Kevin James movie career illegal.
Ask Not What Comedy Can Do For You
The federal law that has been passed will hunt down and prosecute any company or individuals who attempt to write, produce, finance or perform in any comedy that stars Kevin James. The crime is punishable by a maximum sentence of 20 years that can be imposed. President Biden is quoted as saying, ‘Jill and I sat down to watch TV the other night and we caught the first 20 minutes of Paul Blart Mall Cop, and poor Jill hasn’t stopped vomiting since. It’s truly awful stuff. I vowed to unite the country and dag-nabbit, this is the one thing we can all get behind.’
But What You Can Do For Comedy
Local state laws have also been passed nationwide whereby the viewing of any Kevin James movie will be a misdemeanor offence with harsher corporate fiscal penalties for stations and companies broadcasting or distributing the outlawed back catalogue.
Sorry As Shit
Kevin James appeared on nationwide TV, under house arrest to read a brief statement of contrition. ‘I want to take this opportunity to apologize for my films. I can see now what upset and harm they have caused to so many people. This will make me become a better person. I will re-educate myself on what decent people actually find funny.’
At that point he fell over into a paddling pool full of whipped cream. He then slipped several times whilst trying to stand up. Then, with a familiar glazed expression staring into camera, farted. He was then restrained by several federal agents. He was taken away under armed guard to an undisclosed location where he will face trial.