HOLLYWOOD – News is coming in that Kevin Bacon – star of Flashdance and The Following – has separated by six degrees.
The incident happened in the early hours of this morning as Mr. Bacon and his party were leaving Chez Dave, a popular Anglo-Russian restaurant owned by Ryan Gosling where potato-themed dishes are bought via bartering with American cigarettes and Belgian chocolate. An eyewitness said, ‘Bacon was just walking normally and then suddenly he just kind of split. A part of him just peeled off and the weird thing was, as well as there being blood, there was this strange purple sand that just fell out of him.’
Doctors at the Cedar-Sinai Medical Center were quick to reassure tearful fans that Bacon was out of danger. A spokesman for the Medical Center said:
Mr. Bacon is currently resting after the incident. He is obviously in some discomfort, having effectively come apart in a way that even I, as a medical man, would describe as rank, but we’ve stapled him and given him some painkillers, and he is currently in a stable condition. This is not the first time this has happened.
Avid Bacon watchers were only partially reassured by the diagnosis. Sepp Beaster commented from a trailer park just off the interstate:
Kev has separated five times in the last twenty years, but what makes this last one significant is that previously there have always been six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon, but this time, it’s seven. So we’re going to have to rename the game and hope that Kevvy doesn’t go any further.
The maximum someone can separate according to Wikipedia is nine, so let’s hope Mr. Bacon can hold it together.
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