HOLLYWOOD – Keanu Reeves gave an emotional press conference this morning and finally put to rest rumours that he is suffering from a rare condition known as Benjamin Button Syndrome.
“I reached 45 and Doctors told me that was as far as I can go” said a tearful Reeves.
From now on every year that passes I’ll become younger and younger until I eventually pop out of existence. Now some might think my inability to age is a good thing but for an actor, it’s crippling. I walk into an audition for the older man roles and the director laughs at me so I end up doing these ridiculous Kung-Fu movies. I’m never going to play the grizzled cowboy or the wise old Mafia boss and I’m immensely saddened by that.
When I first found out I went on a three year drugs and alcohol binge. I started smoking a hundred cigarettes a day, eating deep fried pizzas and sleeping on a tanning bed . Anything to try and make me look older but it has no effect. I didn’t age a day in fact the more I destroyed my body the better I felt.
Rather than wallow in self pity Reeves said he has decided to accept his fate and has planned accordingly.
Well there’s Bill and Ted 3 but after that I’ll be playing Tom Cruise’s son in Mission Impossible 5. and Chloe Moretz’s boyfriend in a remake of Heathers. From then on I think I’ll take a break. Puberty was bad enough the first time but to go through it in reverse is bound to be heartbreaking.