KEANU REEVES IS AGEING BACKWARDS

HOLLYWOOD Keanu Reeves gave an emotional press conference this morning and finally put to rest rumours that he is suffering from a rare condition known as Benjamin Button Syndrome.

“I reached 45 and Doctors told me that was as far as I can go” said a tearful Reeves. 

From now on every year that passes I’ll become younger and younger until I eventually pop out of existence. Now some might think my inability to age is a good thing but for an actor, it’s crippling. I walk into an audition for the older man roles and the director laughs at me so I end up doing these ridiculous Kung-Fu movies. I’m never going to play the grizzled cowboy or the wise old Mafia boss and I’m immensely saddened by that.

Asked if he could do anything to cure the condition Reeves claimed he has tried everything.

When I first found out I went on a three year drugs and alcohol binge. I started smoking a hundred cigarettes a day, eating deep fried pizzas and sleeping on a tanning bed . Anything to try and make me look older but it has no effect. I didn’t age a day in fact the more I destroyed my body the better I felt.

 Rather than wallow in self pity Reeves said he has decided to accept his fate and has planned accordingly.

Well there’s Bill and Ted 3 but after that I’ll be playing Tom Cruise’s son in Mission Impossible 5. and Chloe Moretz’s boyfriend in a remake of Heathers. From then on I think I’ll take a break. Puberty was bad enough the first time but to go through it in reverse is bound to be heartbreaking.

Keanu will star in 47 Ronin due for release in December 2013.
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