kate winslet photoshop

LONDON – English roseKate Winslet confessed to the New York Times this evening that she has a secret twin sister.

“I can no longer live with the lies and it’s time I came clean” said a sobbing Winslet.

I have a twin sister called Karen she lives in an underground lair on the Virgin Islands. Whenever you see a picture of me on the cover of a magazine and wonder how I look so thin and flawless it’s because it’s not me, it’s Karen.

A tearful Winslet went on to explain why she made the decision to fool the general public.

The pressures of being a Hollywood star are just too great. They want you to look perfect but I can’t maintain that. I like cream cakes and cigarettes and I’ve never stepped foot in a gym in my life. Karen is the opposite she lives on raw vegetables and evian and hits the treadmill for five hours a day. I figured that I could lead a life of vice and high cholesterol and whenever I need to do a shoot, I send Karen and nobody would ever know.

Winslet claims she decided to confess because she doesn’t want to project a false image to impressionable young girls but private investigator Chuck Farmer suggests there is another reason for her admission of guilt.

Karen is basically a prisoner. Kate keeps her in a sealed room that is pumped with pure oxygen and various anti-ageing chemicals. She’s allowed into the exercise yard for five hours a day were she is forced to use the gym equipment and if she doesn’t work out she doesn’t get her daily ration of cucumber and celery. Hell they even forced her to have eye surgery hence the unaturally blue tint. Kate is only fessing up now because rumour has it Karen has escaped and was last seen in Central Park eating a KFC Family Bucket and chain smoking Gauloises

Kate Winslet will star in A Little Chaos due for release in 2014 

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