LONDON – Pregnant British royal Kate Middleton will use the twins to save the day from the escalating tensions between Sony Pictures and North Korea.
Maybe in a bid to show the old gal it’s time for another woman to lead the Commonwealth, Prince William’s lady wife Kate Middleton announced she will single-handedly resolve the conflict over Hollywood comedy The Interview by naming their brewing twins Sony and Kim in honor of the electronics giants and its current nemesis, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. The effort, she feels, will significantly dampen the current climate of anger and mistrust by immortalizing those two names side by side for eternity.
Prince William, speaking EXCLUSIVELY with The Studio Exec, explained the Royal decision.
Britain civilized the world, and will keep doing so for as long as it takes. Luckily, Kanye West gave his spawn such a colossally ridiculous handle that no other baby name henceforth will ever sound idiotic. That left us free to use our own progeny in forcing those two entities to stop acting like Kanye on his honeymoon and look at the bigger picture: A Seth Rogen comedy is no laughing matter, but for far different reasons.
The next in line to the throne declined to comment on how this decision would impact their son George, whom sources inside Buckingham palace say is already planning a use of his future siblings to swede the film at the center of this whole situation. Prince William did however convey his satisfaction with the pregnancy so far, citing the positive impact the twins are having on the “other twins”.
No word yet on possible terrorism threats from the alleged hackers to stop Kate from releasing the twins.