MOON BASE ONE – A communication from Weyland Industries informed the world today that Josh Hartnett would be returning from his seven year mission on Moon Base One early next year and was raring to get back into film acting.
In his first statement for some years, included in the transmission, the Faculty star Josh Hartnett said:
I am very grateful for Weyland Industries for giving me the opportunity to work somewhere unaffected by The Black Dahlia. I won’t lie. It was hard getting myself back together after that unholy smear of a movie, but I’ve been thinking, taking stock and what not, and I’m ready to come back and get back to some serious work.
Exactly what work is done on the far side of the moon has been shrouded in secrecy but it is understood that the Weyland Corporation funded by Michael Bay and James Cameron has been utilizing Hollywood exiles in their mining operations. The mysterious minerals are used to fund Mr. Cameron’s deep sea diving expeditions and it believed that Mr. Bay is saving up to buy a very large woman.
Josh Hartnett continued:
I’ve made a lot of friends on the moon. It was great working here with Mike Myers. He operates the main drill and does all these funny voices. And Bridget Fonda’s here as well. She is in charge of the experimental medical laboratories is a real nice lady, though the screaming that comes from the lab is sometimes disturbing. In the cafeteria, we’d all tell old stories of our time back on Earth. It was cozy.
Josh Harnett initially went to the Moon following the release of Brian DePalma’s Black Dahlia, a film so bad it threatened to uninvent cinema.
Josh Hartnett will be making landfall in January, 2016.