johnny depp

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp was rushed to hospital last night with a rare case of second puberty.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star was taken ill during dinner when a witness speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec described the scene:

Johnny Depp was talking happily when mid-sentence, his voice broke. It just went up and then down again. It was strange and everyone turned round to see what was going on. And it was then we noticed this weird  bum fluff type hair appearing on his chin.

Depp retired for the evening, but later awoke with an intense urge top talk about his feelings and the meanings of Pink Floyd lyrics. He was admitted to hospital with what medics described as an intense case of second puberty.

Physician to the stars, Dr. Hali Tost explained:

Most of us only have one puberty, thank the good Christ, but in rare cases the fully grown or what us doctors call ‘adult’ patient can present with symptoms which are associated with puberty.

My God! What causes it Doc?

Usually, and this is very rare, the syndrome only occurs after a kind of regression back into childhood. There was a case in Australia where a man accidentally got locked in a crèche and when he emerged he had terrible acne and sulked all the time.  In the case of Johnny Depp, I imagine it has something to do with him dressing up all the time, like some silly child. Now he’s doing a serious role in Black Mass, playing an actual mature role, his body has caught the signal and is acting like he is just coming of age.

Does this mean he will be young again?

Oh Lord, no! People who go through second puberty always look dreadful. Truly awful. Nick Nolte went through it shortly after Prince of Tides.

Black Mass will be released tomorrow.  

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