Johnny Depp Spice Girls

LONDON – Limey sources have confirmed Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have re-united in the United Kingdom for Spice Girls: Rise of Girl Power.

In a red doubledecker bus sized EXCLUSIVE the Studio Exec can reveal Depp is to play ALL of the Spice Girls in what is sure to be what the French call a ‘tour de force‘ in quirky histrionics and transvestitism. Speaking of his preparation, Depp said: 

I started by spending a whole term at Hogwarts, where the girls learned their witchcraft, and just soaked up the atmosphere of their respective houses. The school is strict about keeping boys and girls separate but, hey I’m Johnny Depp! So in no time, I’m lounging in the Quidditch changing rooms with my Hufflepuff girls, accepted like any other fresh faced pre-pubescent witch. Wild times were had.

The movie depicts the girls’ rise to power in the 90s and how they decimated the male dominated band culture with a fatal mix of catchy phrases, shouting and day-glo budget street wear. Depp revealed the story pulls no punches, showing the power struggles and in-fighting in the British music industry. 

We’re not gonna shy away from the fact that they went up against London gangsters The Krays to secure various ‘protection territories’ to fund their school tour. They bought off police; had the unions in their pocket; used illegal magic outside the school grounds… Man! Mix this up with Tim Burton’s inimitable style and it’s a ride everyone’s gonna want to take.

Who is your favorite Spice to play?

They all have their strengths: Scary Spice Mel B is fun because you just let loose. I studied a lot of big cat movements to get her trademark attack style. She never used weapons to kill her enemies, just tooth and claw. But if I had to choose, I think Posh Spice Victoria Beckham was both the biggest challenge and the greatest personal reward. I actually began a full sexual relationship with David Beckham to get to the core of her character. I’m now in touch with her Essence. I don’t want to let her go. And I’ll miss David and the kids – Brooklyn, Jammy Dodger and Syphilis – when filming is over.

Spice Girls: Rise of Girl Power will be released Christmas 2015.
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