HOLLYWOOD – Hong Kong action director John Woo has signed on to direct a film version of Downton Abbey in a surprise move that had some stupid idiots thinking it was just a hoax.
‘I am very excited to be given this opportunity,’ said Woo. ‘Downton Abbey is an important cultural phenomenon and I am particularly pleased to step away from my reputation of blood soaked gun ballet and spectacular action sequences of violence in order to do something more sedate and costumey.’
In his first interview since the news broke, Woo explained how he had gotten tired of being pigeon holed:
It’s always violence, violence, violence. I look to this prestigious ITV television series and I see a wonderful sense of time and nuance, history unfolding around real characters in a sleepy kind of way.
Do you plan any changes to the original?
Well, of course it does have to be more cinematic. What works on the small screen over the space of several episodes must be made to work on the big screen and with a two hour running time.
So what do you plan to change?
Well, to begin with I think all the characters should have two guns.
All of them?
The servants will have small Glocks and the Crawleys will all have something heavier. I think Robert Crawley (Hugh Bonneville), the Earl of Grantham, should have a gattling gun and Cora Crawley (Elizabeth McGovern) should have a flame thrower. Then they’ll get into a fight because the servants want to take over the house. And they’ll jump sideways in the air flying two guns at the same time while things explode and a dove (representing the forlorn wish for peace) flaps out of a window in the background.
Julian Fellowes – the creator of the original series -said that he was delighted with John Woo and especially admired him for the way money kept appearing in his bank account.
Downton Abbey: Blood Massacre will be released in 2016.
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