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Sunday 20 September 2020
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JIM STURGESS CONFESSES: ‘I CAME TO FIX THE PHOTOCOPIER’

JIM STURGESS CONFESSES: ‘I CAME TO FIX THE PHOTOCOPIER’

HOLLYWOOD – British actor Jim Sturgess star of 21, Across the Universe and Cloud Atlas admitted today that he was not actually an actor but had actually arrived at the studio to fix the photocopier but had gone through the wrong door.

The One Day star told Studio Exec:

You know what it’s like. I was too embarrassed to explain and before I knew it I’d already been cast in a detective series called A Touch of Frost. I tried to go home and just carry on my life but it was impossible. TV show after TV show, so I moved to Los Angeles because I knew they had photocopiers there and they would need fixing. 

But surely you knew that was where they made films?

I know this is going to sound naive but I thought Hollywood was a totally different place. I didn’t even put two and two together until I was already in LA and I saw this huge sign on the hill and I thought ‘that’s strange that they’ve got a replica of the Hollywood sign here in Los Angeles’. But of course it wasn’t a replica.

So what happened?

I got a call that the toner was running out too fast at Warner Bros and would I check it out. Next thing I know I’m standing next to Kevin Spacey, learning to play cards.   

Why didn’t you tell them you didn’t want to be in films?

To begin with the money is quite a bit better than in fixing photocopiers and there’s a certain ‘glamour’ that comes with being in films. Plus I was waiting for them to find me out. I didn’t even try to ‘act’. I thought, what’s the point? The guys from the photocopy repair shop will be here in a minute and everything will be resolved. What I didn’t know is they had all jumped in a car and were driving so fast towards the studio that they got into a massive accident and died burning in gasoline trapped in twisted metal, as my co-stars fed me hors d’oeurves.  

What are your plans now?

First it’s a real weight off to just come clean. I feel like people have been going to see me expecting an ‘actor’, but now I can still be in films but the audience can judge me by a totally different yardstick. 

So you’re not going back to photocopy repair?

No.

Please.

No. 

Electric Slide will be released later this year.

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One thought on “JIM STURGESS CONFESSES: ‘I CAME TO FIX THE PHOTOCOPIER’

  1. Anonymous

    What’s with the ugly Sturgess hate? Solid actor. I checked; he has three or four films coming out this year, although earlier you said he hadn’t been acting for a year. This is as lame as your offensive and not-funny tweet ( ‘needs bus fare and an acting coach’) about Catherine Keener, a talented actress.

    Reply

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