HOLLYWOOD – It started off as a beautiful friendship. A love affair almost. The coy glances, the flirtatious remarks, the quick Pirates of the Caribbean while no one was looking and then the dirty Lone Ranger in the alley way. And then there was the guilt and hate that came like the lemon scented slime residue of spent man juice. Jerry Bruckheimer phoned Disney this morning and left a phone message saying it was all over.

Hey, oh hi. Erm. Pick up. Pickup pickup pickup. No? Okay, fuck it. You want it to be like this okay. Let’s do it. Listen. We always knew this was not going to last forever. We were both really different. You liked that shit about different types of animals loving each other and I enjoyed explosions and chainsaws. You know that wasn’t just a phase, right? You’re going to make it difficult then. Okay? Okay! Then, fuck you. Listen goddam it. I’m sick of the castle and the river  fireworks and the fucking mouse. That goddam mouse. Jesus Christ. I used to have a partner who didn’t even take his cocaine unless he could snaffle it from the digestive system of an ODed ox. And now I have this? So okay, this is goodbye. Goodbye. Oh wait. The fucking thing isn’t on.


Pirates of the Caribbean 6 will be out in 2015. 


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