TURKMENISTAN – Jennifer Lopez has been showered with praise by Amnesty International following what has been called her ‘punitive performance’ in Turkmenistan in honor of dictator Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov’s birthday party. 

“We were expecting One Direction,” said one reveller, “and then someone’s mum came on stage and started caterwauling. It was awful.”

Amnesty International spokesman Gorvan Spatsky commented:

Jennifer Lopez has consistently shown her commitment to human rights with her work in Mexico, for instance.  When she decided to perform at Berdymukhamedov’s birthday party we were all “No! What are you thinking?” but she explained that she would get a lot of money from him and she would punish him with her irritating dance routines and off-key singing. Finally, we saw what she was trying to do and we salute her for it.

In a press conference, Lopez swore that she would go around the world singing and dancing at dictators “until they see the error of their ways.”

 Jennifer Lopez will be appearing in Damascus later this week. 

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