STOCKHOLM – Film director, actor, painter, novelist, poet and co-star of Spider-man 2, James Franco has swept the board at the Nobel Prizes, the Swedish and Norwegian Academy announced earlier today.
The Academy stated that the award which is usually divided into the Peace Prize and various Sciences, including ‘economic science’, had been awarded to James Franco ‘in recognition of his outstanding mastery of all fields of art, culture, science, performance, politics and life.’
In the past we have had some infamous omissions – Mahatma Gandhi being the most obvious. He was nominated for the Peace Prize but was assassinated before he could be awarded. To see that Gandhi didn’t get a Nobel Peace Prize and Henry Kissinger, or for that matter Barack ‘Drone’ Obama did, beggars belief and brings into disrepute the committee. It was with this in mind that the Academy decided to play it safe with Franco. If we had only given him one prize, the world would have been outraged by the exclusion of all the others so we got really drunk one night and someone shouted, ‘What the hell! Let’s give him the lot!’
James Franco responded to the news with ‘surprise and delight’:
I’d like to say I’m humbled, but with these cheek bones, that’s just not going to happen.
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