indiana jones

HOLLYWOOD – The new Indiana Jones blu-ray – the box set of which recently went on sale – has been adjudged a ‘missed opportunity’ by George Lucas.

‘Spiely’s muffed it,’ spat Lucas, fuming. ‘He had the opportunity to CGI Tom Selleck’s face onto Harrison Ford and totally didn’t.’

Other changes the Phantom Menace director suggested in a note to his former friend (now worst enemy) included:

  • a new scene with the full sword fight put in, getting rid of that embarrassing pulling the pistol and shooting the Arab joke
  • CGI snakes doing loads of stuff and flying too
  • in Temple of Doom more racism, ‘much more funnier’
  • Sean Connery replaced by Samuel L. Jackson
  • 3D? durh
  • and where are the prequels?

To the last question Studio Exec reminded Lucas of his own Young Indy Chronicles which the beard-flapped swirl-quiffed visionary seemed to have forgotten. He waved a hand impatiently, ‘Never heard of them.’

Indiana Jones 5 is due for release in 2016.

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