LONDON – Gandalf, Magneto star and occasional actor, Sir Ian McKellen has angrily denied that he is Andy Kaufman (For the original story click here). ‘For a start I’m about ten years too old,’ yelled the Thespian.
He went on to remark:
I know what you arseholes are up to. You’re just spreading rumors and fake news to get cheap laughs. You’re a bunch of parasitical bum cracks.
SIR Ian! You jumped up little turd. I’m a respected f*cking theatre actor, I’ve played Lear, I’ve played Richard the Third, I was in Apt Pupil. I’m not the funny immigrant from Taxi, you twat!
Keep your hair on, Gandalf.
Oh you want to dance, fart face? Is that what this is? You are in dangerous territory. Already Patrick Stewart was like, let’s just go and stomp their bullshit faces to hummus, let’s just tear them new effluent holes, but I was like we’re respected men of the theatre and the X-Men universe, Patrick, some decorum. He was in Dune, you shit stain!
Okay, we’re sorry. If you want we’ll print a denial.
So you’re not Andy Kaufman?
No. Well… Not legally.
What do you mean ‘legally’?
What? No! The line is breaking up… sorry. I’ll call back.
The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug will be amongst us Xmas-y.