HOLLYWOOD – The Human Centipede will host the Academy Awards ceremony – also known as the Oscars.

Following Kevin Hart’s decision to drop out of the Oscars, speculation exploded as to who the new host would be with more than a million people killed in the ensuing excitement. However, now the emergency hospitals can breathe a sigh of relief as a replacement host has stepped forward: The Human Centipede.

We spoke with The Oscars. Here is that:

We’re so happy here. Not only is the Human Centipede the star of three blockbuster films – Human Centipede, Human Centipede 2 and Human Centipede 3 – but they (preferred pronoun) also ticks the boxes when it comes to representing diversity. Some of it is black, some white, some Latino, some is LGBTQ. Actually, the Human Centipede would prefer a longer acronym but we didn’t quite understand what they said.

Many believed that Billy Crystal would take over. Anyone wondering what the Oscars are can go over to Wikipedia, where it says:

The Academy Awards, also known as the Oscars, are a set of 24 awards for artistic and technical merit in the film industry, given annually by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), to recognize excellence in cinematic achievements as assessed by the Academy’s voting membership.

Asked to comment the Human Centipede mumbled something. The Green Book will win.

The ceremony will take place on February 20th.

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