Many writers have written me asking advice on how to break into the industry. Rather than telling them all to f*ck off, which gets exhausting, I decided to give them/you an insight into how I and all studios work.
INT. MY OFFICE – DAY
Ok, send him in.
Enter weedy looking pathetic, miserable writer, YOU.
Good morning sir…
Get on with it kid, I just had a latte and a blueberry muffin, there’s a rumble down in my jungle and I’ve got a 12 o’clock with Spike Jonze. And I know he’s gonna get all f*cking meta. SHOOT!
LOOK WHO’S STILL TALKING. It’s like, Bruce Willis and Roseanne Barr as the kids of John Travolta and Kirstie Alley, but they’re adults and still living with their parents.
Is there a talking dog? I think they had a talking dog in one of those movies.
Sure. I’m thinking Kevin Spacey.
Ha Ha, that’s hilarious. Is there like, an ethnic neighbor who keeps stopping by?
Erm, yeah a Colombian guy…
Indian, sorry I meant Indian.
HA HA! I bet he’s rubbish at driving. Have you heard Sandler do an Indian accent? It cuts me up.
Shit yeah, I totally wrote this with Adam Sandler in mind for the Indian neighbor.
Kid, I like you. I gotta shit. Let’s just call this a go picture. Get a draft on my desk for tomorrow and leave space for a Martin Lawrence cameo. He painted my garage last weekend and I owe him a favor.
Yeah yeah, you better get outta here, you don’t wanna be around for what happens next.
LOOK WHO’S STILL TALKING is now in production!