|‘What an asshole!’|
Today’s announcements of the 85th Oscar nominations were greeted by shrieks of horror and disgust, soon followed by fist fights in the foyer and communal vomiting up and down the street as word passed from ear to ear. Even Seth MacFarlane looked shaken and he made a film with Mark ‘s’not my fault people think I can act’ Wahlberg. Emma Stone shifted uncomfortably in a ‘dress’ as each category was read out and the truth became nakedly, brutally, violently clear: Kevin James had not been nominated as best actor, Frank Coraci (who Ebert dubbed ‘the American Tarkovsky’) received no nod in the best director category and Here Comes the Boom was not even mentioned as Best Picture.
Martin Scorsese was seen rushing from the building his face in his hands. An obviously shocked Woody Allen whispered, ‘This cannot be! This cannot be!’ Meanwhile, Richard Gere launched into an attack of the Academy including their decision to nominate Amour. ‘It’s not even in American,’ shrieked Richard ‘the Hamster’ Gere.
Studio Exec had broken the news that Coraci’s genre busting comedy was in with a chance (READ HERE)
but it was as if the academy thought it was some kind of joke. In fact, when we telephoned the offices of the Academy to inquire about why Here Comes the Boom missed out, they used those exact words. The only person who appeared unmoved was Adam Sandler who phoned Kevin James to offer his condolences and sympathy but couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get the words out.
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