HATEFUL EIGHT DISQUALIFIED FROM OSCARS
HOLLYWOOD – In a shock move the Quentin Tarantino movie The Hateful Eight has had its Oscar nominations revoked and the film has been disqualified from the Oscars completely.
The Hateful Eight was nominated for Best Supporting Actress Jennifer Jason Leigh, cinematography and score for Ennio Morricone. However, all these nominations have been rescinded. An Academy spokesperson gave the Studio Exec the rationale for this unprecedented move:
We hadn’t seen the full film and when we did we realized that the actor Samuel L. Jackson has quite a prominent role in the film. And well… this is embarrassing, but you see, he’s a little bit black.
A little bit…
Well, actually, he’s very black. And I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but here at the Academy we’ve been trying to make things easier, streamline the whole process and just have people who are white get the awards and stuff.
But Samuel L. Jackson isn’t even nominated.
Yes, but what if Jennifer Jason Leigh invites him along?
But you have a black host.
Chris Rock is black.
No, he isn’t. I mean I saw him in Madagascar. He’s black and white.
But that was an animated movie. He’s not actually a zebra.
Are you serious?
Oh, come on.
No, wait this will work. We have Chris Rock, who is apparently black, hosting and then everyone else white, that’s great because then no one can accuse us of racism! Problem solved. And no angry Samuel L. Jackson telling us horrid stories about forcing someone’s son to do unspeakables on his unmentionables.