#HASHTAG: #THE MOVIE OUT OF #DEVELOPMENT?

hashtag the movie

HOLLYWOOD – Despite development problems, Hashtag: The Movie is finally ready to go before the cameras. Following more than 30 drafts, the film has had more talent attached to it than Ryan Gosling‘s fabled ‘pussy magnet’; incidentally, an actual device CERN built for the wonky eyed actor.


Producer and former ‘actor’, Ashton Kutcher gave the Studio Exec an exclusive insight into the torturous process:

My favorite early draft was one where Hashtag was a living entity in cyberspace, a being purely of instinct who sought connection with the world in the form of latching on to things that f*cking idiots talk about. Both edgy and heartbreaking, and I was signed to star as the Hashtag character.

That sounds ambitious, so were you going to be doing a voiceover?

It was to be motion capture with me wearing the 
Andy Serkis suit, but the suit went AWOL of course (Read Here). I was to perform the whole movie in one take as a visual tone poem as I leap from subject to subject, blown on the cyber winds: a zeitgeist poltergeist if you will. 

That actually sounds pretty good, what happened?

Katherine Heigl. 

Ah.

There’s some piece of parchment signed in blood somewhere that says Heigl stars in at least 4 movies a year whether you want her or not. She was all over Hashtag like a rash. She fired the writers and brought in her ‘own people’ who re-worked it into a on-line date-night rom-com. It wasn’t bad, but the project stalled when she headbutted Paul Rudd‘s grandmother at a post read-through lunch. 

A close call. So what’s the project now?

A political thriller set in the near future. Hashtags are a source of power for a corrupt dictator, controlling the populace through idiotic slogans. A group of rebels start communicating WITHOUT using Hashtags and it’s like a secret and subversive language. All we need is Jennifer ‘Green Light’ Lawrence. I’m still going to perform my version of Hashtag live at some point. I think the world needs to see that I can deliver something other than an Uber-geek, or a hollow and hate-able MILF thief. 

Good luck with that kid.

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Author: Soso Fantastico

Over yonder, having a ponder

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