hashtag the movie

HOLLYWOOD – Despite development problems, Hashtag: The Movie is finally ready to go before the cameras. Following more than 30 drafts, the film has had more talent attached to it than Ryan Gosling‘s fabled ‘pussy magnet’; incidentally, an actual device CERN built for the wonky eyed actor.

Producer and former ‘actor’, Ashton Kutcher gave the Studio Exec an exclusive insight into the torturous process:

My favorite early draft was one where Hashtag was a living entity in cyberspace, a being purely of instinct who sought connection with the world in the form of latching on to things that f*cking idiots talk about. Both edgy and heartbreaking, and I was signed to star as the Hashtag character.

That sounds ambitious, so were you going to be doing a voiceover?

It was to be motion capture with me wearing the 
Andy Serkis suit, but the suit went AWOL of course (Read Here). I was to perform the whole movie in one take as a visual tone poem as I leap from subject to subject, blown on the cyber winds: a zeitgeist poltergeist if you will. 

That actually sounds pretty good, what happened?

Katherine Heigl. 


There’s some piece of parchment signed in blood somewhere that says Heigl stars in at least 4 movies a year whether you want her or not. She was all over Hashtag like a rash. She fired the writers and brought in her ‘own people’ who re-worked it into a on-line date-night rom-com. It wasn’t bad, but the project stalled when she headbutted Paul Rudd‘s grandmother at a post read-through lunch. 

A close call. So what’s the project now?

A political thriller set in the near future. Hashtags are a source of power for a corrupt dictator, controlling the populace through idiotic slogans. A group of rebels start communicating WITHOUT using Hashtags and it’s like a secret and subversive language. All we need is Jennifer ‘Green Light’ Lawrence. I’m still going to perform my version of Hashtag live at some point. I think the world needs to see that I can deliver something other than an Uber-geek, or a hollow and hate-able MILF thief. 

Good luck with that kid.

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Author: Soso Fantastico

Over yonder, having a ponder

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