I’ve been thinking a lot about my own mortality recently. I had a nightmare last night that I was playing the Max Von Sydow role in The Seventh Seal. Which wouldn’t have been so bad but George Hamilton had been cast as Death and it had been turned into a Broadway musical. I woke up in a cold sweat at 4am humming Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark. Anyway I asked my psychiatrist what it meant and he said it was stress caused by the weight of expectation and that I’d probably eaten some bad chicken.
Well it’s set in the late 1970s and Voldermort is a TV magician who is dating his assistant played by the delightful Emily Blunt. During an episode of the Tonight Show they are performing a vanishing trick and he makes her disappear but he can’t make her reappear. This becomes big news across the globe and he’s arrested and suspected of murder but there is no evidence. Anyway on the way out of the police station he meets this wise cracking homeless girl played by Chloe Moretz who claims she knows where his assistant is. This turns out to be a lie but she joins Voldemort on his search and eventually they develop a bond between them.
We’ve got Nicole Kidman and Danny Trejo playing the girl’s parents who have this ongoing banter about their daughter’s suspicious parentage. Robin Williams is Voldemort’s drug addled agent but what I’m really excited about is that I finally get to work with Burt Reynolds. I’ve been trying to collaborate with him for years but our schedules always conflicted. I’ve known Burt for decades and he pushed hard to get me the Dom DeLuise role in Smokey and The Bandit but the producers said they wanted somebody less Jewish.
No. Ralph is a fine actor but I wanted to take the character in a different direction.
Like I said, Burt Reynolds.
No problem. I don’t suppose you have any Xanex do you? I just looked at the catering budget and my windpipe is starting to constrict.
The Amazing Voldemort is due for release in 2014.