harrison ford

HOLLYWOOD – Revealed for the first time, the truth behind Harrison Ford’s plane crash on a southern Californian golf course.

It was the moment when the world came together as one – Palestinians and Israelis, ISIS and Bill Maher, One Directioners and people who are not twelve-year-old girls – united in a common prayer. Harrison Ford crashed his antique World War II era ST3KR Ryan aeronautical plane on a golf course, causing the entire world to hold its breath, until we found out he was okay and then we got busy joking about it on Twitter. But only now in an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Han Solo/Indiana Jones/John Book star, can we reveal what actually happened on that fateful day.

So I was taking the old girl up for a spin and I was flying around just enjoying the view. It’s something I like to do. It’s very zen and in the moment. And as often is the case when I’m flying, I start reflecting on the injustices of the world. I have a very sensitive social conscience and it irks me that there are so many poor people in the world, even here in the USA. Perhaps especially! Amidst all this wealth, there are people sleeping rough. You see them under bridges, in the canyons. It’s shameful, truly. And then there’s the environment. We have been suffering a drought here for two years. The water is basically gone. And no one seems to care about it. In fact, we’re making it worse. That’s when I saw the golf course.

This is the Penmar golf course in Venice?

That’s right. I looked at those guys swinging their pathetic sticks and pinging those stupid dimply golf balls around on that pristine green lawn and it got me to thinking: they’re watering that grass with our water. This is Southern California. It should basically be a desert, but no. All that water pumped into the land, not for a park for children, not for a garden for all, but so leathery old plastic surgeons can pretend to play a sport that basically involves walking. All that wealth, all that land and all those resources, including water, are wasted to make some fat white guys happy as they play a moronic sport.

Wait are you saying you intentionally…?

I hate golf and I hate golfers. They’re a bunch of assholes.

You reported engine trouble.

Sure I did. And maybe that was the reason, or maybe just maybe those golfers will think twice before they step onto the fairway knowing Harrison Ford is in the air above them like a movie star drone of environmental and social justice.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens will be released in December, 2015.

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