GWYNETH PALTROW’S NEW DIET CAUSES UPROAR
LONDON – Gwyneth Paltrow – long famous as the feminist icon who brings Robert Downey Junior his coffee in Iron Man and cooks Coldplay’s dinner – has caused outrage, furor, anger, and a series of online rants with the publication of her new diet The C-Plan.
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‘The diet is basically vegetarian,’ said Ms. Paltrow. ‘I’ve eliminated almost all meat and fish because of my concern about industrial scale farming and the depletion of fish stocks, as well as increasing health concerns. However, I despise the sentimentality which is sometimes associated with a vegetarian lifestyle and I don’t like nuts, so in order to replace protein I’ve opted to eat cats.’
Her book includes recipes for kitten risotto, pussikins parmigiana, moggie curry and Tom cat stir fry.
I very much believe that one should not resort to buying cats specifically to eat. You should raise them yourself and butcher, skin and cure the meat yourself. Although I sometimes asj Chris to drown the smaller ones, something he enjoys doing. Kittens are particularly delicious as a snack, with a taste a little bit like rabbit.
Peta and the RSPCA have reacted with fury at Ms. Paltrow’s new ideas. Spokesperson Philip Havelplot shouted down the phone:
I mean what does she do in those films. She just hangs around waiting to be put in jeopardy and then Downey Jr. comes and rescues her. She was such a promising actress, it’s depressing to see her settle for such insubstantial roles. Oh, and the cat thing’s just crazy.