indiana jones 5

HOLLYWOOD – Scientists revealed today that humanity would in all likelihood be extinct prior to the release of Indiana Jones 5, much to the relief of everybody.

A combination of nuclear proliferation, human caused climate change and political instability is almost certain to wipe out mankind by 2018, a full year before the projected release of Indiana Jones 5 a study published in the Scientific American proves. The article says:

Climate change is having a catastrophic effect and we have observed that the Earth is tilting due to the melting of the ice caps. This tilting is just one event which has been fed into a mathematical model with other factors such as nuclear proliferation and economic instability and we can confidently predict everyone on the planet will be dead by 2018. Our calculations show that Indiana Jones 5 will be released post the apocalypse and this is genuinely cheering news.

The news was greeted with relief and in some quarters joy. Steven Spielberg was one of the people to go public with his reaction:

George has come up with a story and Lord helps me it send Indiana Jones into space. It’s a direct follow on from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We’re due to start shooting just as the water rises over our heads and the mushroom clouds bloom on the horizon.

Indiana Jones 5 will be released in 2019.

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