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Friday 14 December 2018
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GERALDO RIVERA’S MUSTACHE ACCUSED OF FACIAL HARASSMENT

GERALDO RIVERA’S MUSTACHE ACCUSED OF FACIAL HARASSMENT

NEW YORK – Geraldo Rivera’s mustache has been accused of facial harassment.

Fox News correspondent Geraldo Rivera took to Twitter late last night to accuse his mustache of harassing him. The veteran reporter tweeted:

It started forty years ago as part of a beard but since that my mustache has stared calling the shots. What started as innocent facial growth has now taken over my personality completely.

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Studio Exec Geraldo claimed that his mustache was responsible for some of his stranger decisions.

The whole Matt Lauer thing was my mustache’s idea. You probably won’t believe me, but that thing can tweet. It has an intelligence all its own. During the night if I don’t do exactly what it says, it grows up my nose and into my mouth and tries to suffocate me. Like the tree in the Evil Dead movies. I mean, shit, man!

So you’re saying that you didn’t make those comments about News being a ‘flirty business’?

No. That was Baffi.

Baffi?

That’s what I call them.

Them?

Well, technically my mustaches are plural. One either side. Like magnificent hair wings.

Geraldo Rivera will resign by the end of the week amidst an avalanche of allegations about mustache oil.

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