TEXAS – The former president of the United States George W Bush confirmed this morning that he has signed on to direct a re-imagining of Robert Aldrich’s World War II classic The Dirty Dozen.

Working from a script written by himself and former British Prime minister Tony Blair, Bush claims they wrote the majority of the screenplay during their strategy sessions at Camp David during the Iraq War but it had been left in a drawer for the best part of a decade. It was only when he discovered that former secretary of defense Colin Powell was talking to Hollywood producers about making his own version with the cast of Glee that Bush decided to act.

“I called the T-Bird [Blair] up and told him it was time to send our eagles into the enemy camp,” said a jovial Bush. 

We got old Dick Cheney producing, Don Rumsfeld doing the cinematography and Connie Rice is our second unit. It’s like getting the A-Team back together and soon as the Israeli government puts their 300 million dollar ‘donation’ into our bank account. The cameras will roll and the whirling sh*t storm will commence.

Although based on the original screenplay, Bush’s version of The Dirty Dozenupdates the action from 1940’s war torn Europe to modern day Palestine.

You got to move with the times so we got ourselves this crazy A-rab sheikh trying to unite his people against the peace-loving Jewish settlers encroaching on their land. America says enough is enough and sends in the bombers. When that fails to flush the Koran bashing rat out of his hole, we send in the Dozen.

Asked when he is due to film his epic Bush said filming began late last night.

We’ve already begun carpet bombing Palestine and there’s some great footage coming in. I figure another week of sustained air attacks and then we send in some ground troops to mop up the straddlers. As soon as the coast is clear we’ll deploy the actors.

Bush said that he was unable to convince all of his first choice cast to come on board but it pleased that he’s finally got his Dozen.

I wanted Clooney, Pitt, Hanks etc but they never got back to me. In fact the only A-lister who did was Chuck Norris so he will be playing all twelve of the dozen using a blend of CGI and body doubles. Chuck is a proud republican and he even came up with the tagline. ‘The Muslims thought Chuck Norris was sleeping. They were wrong. He was waiting!’

The Dirty Dozen is due for release in 2015 
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  1. Oh please ,give me break …directorial debut ???And Chuck Noris will play all 12 of them ,now that I don’t wish to watch lol my lips and action !!!! lol lol

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