HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars creator George Lucas has hit hard times after signing over the rights to his beloved franchise to Disney.
Lucas, who has been living in a dumpster off Sunset Boulevard for the last 6 months blames himself for his descent into poverty:
I made a billion dollars by selling the rights to Star Wars but I made some bad investments and got ripped off. This guy offered to sell me the Planet Venus and I handed him most of my fortune. Turns out he didn’t own Venus but how was I supposed to know? His You Tube video was very convincing.
Not only was Lucas bankrupt he also found himself homeless:
The Skywalker ranch was all I had left but J.J. Abrams turned up one day with a fleet of moving trucks and a security guard and threw me out on the street. Apparently it was in the small print that whoever is running the franchise gets the ranch. I wouldn’t mind but my wife is still living there. She’s quite taken by him.
Asked if he was excited about the release of the episode seven trailer tomorrow, Lucas started crying:
I bought a can of gasoline and a box of matches with the last of my money. As soon as the trailer is released I’m going to set fire to myself outside Mann’s Chinese theatre. This world has been cruel to me and I want to go to a galaxy far, far away.
The Studio Exec contacted Steven Spielberg to ask him if was aware of his friends plight and the celebrated director was shocked by Lucas’ current situation:
I said to George he could come and live in my dumpster and the offer still stands.