WESTEROS – Notorious pirate Davros Seaworth was arrested this morning for leaking the first four episodes of season five of Game of Thrones.
Seaworth, who denies the accusation, has been taken to the Dreadfort where he is currently being interrogated by Ramsay Snow.
“I really admire Seaworth’s balls so I’m going to cut them off and keep them on my mantelpiece.” said Snow:
Meanwhile Stannis Baratheon has claimed the Lannister’s are responsible for the leak:
Those bastards stole my throne. They’d steal my nose if it wasn’t stuck to my face and I know for a fact that they were responsible for leaking a copy of John Wick onto the internet a few months ago. Personally I thought it was a terrible movie but I suppose if you compare it to Keanu’s roles in the last decade, you could argue it was something of a return to form.
HBO have been unavailable for comment but a White Walker had this to say:
I’d love to watch the leaked episodes but unfortunately broadband is really slow beyond the Great Wall and they would take me days to download. If anyone would be kind enough to convert the files to DVD and pop them over, I promise I won’t eat you.