Giant Haystacks

DORSET (ENGLAND) – The owner of the infamous Fox News phallus has finally came forward to identify himself and is none other than popular British wrestler Giant Haystacks.

Haystacks was beloved of children in ’80s Britain and gained national fame through his fierce rivalry with fellow wrestler Big Daddy. Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Haystacks explains his reasoning in claiming the cheeky cock as his own.

It’s been a sideline career for me for a number of years, whenever film-makers need a subliminal cock to bring a scene together I’m top of the list. My ‘thumper’, as I call him, has also been used in many major international advertising campaigns, flashing between frames to add a bit of oomph! And it just works you know? If you find yourself craving a coke or late night trip to Costco, it’s probably because my sneaky snake has flopped into your subconscious and is yanking your consumer chain. Hahahaha! My big rubbery gent sure gets around.

So how did thumper end up on Fox News?

The truth is I have a longstanding relationship with Fox. My man meat is used between segments on a daily basis – especially on Sean Hannity’s show – it just so happens that this time they messed up the frame rate and my droopy doodah was just all the more apparent. It happens. The real mistake was Edward Scissorhands, that’s just inappropriate when discussing a disaster like a helicopter crash. Someone dropped the ball there.

So where else would we have seen thumper without knowing it?

Where have you NOT seen it more like! My first major big screen thumper shot was in Star Wars just before the Death Star explodes. It was a real thrill taking the family to see the movie knowing my red headed Rodger was up there. Every time the Jaws theme music plays I’m flashing in and out to the rhythm of that chugging cello. As the Titanic goes down  my pipe goes up! I’ve been in every Sandra Bullock film, every Eddie Murphy flick. Erm, Flubber? Remember that one? Yeah that’s full of cock that one.

Thumper will return in the Annie remake. 
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