force awakens

HOLLYWOOD – Kim Kardashian was broken today by the release of the Star Wars: The Force Awakens teaser trailer.

Witnesses at the restaurant where Kardashian was eating breakfast, said that there was a crack of doom and Ms. Kardashian broke into a million pieces. ┬áThis happened at exactly the same time as the trailer was released on the internet and is thought to be a response to Ms. Kardashian’s threat a week ago to ‘break the internet’ something she ‘spectacularly failed to achieve.’

Sources close to the internet, said that internet had been really riled and wanted to get its own back on the reality show star.

The JJ Abrams teaser trailer was the perfect opportunity and when it was released, the internet had all its tractor beams focused on the Kardashian derriere. It was as if a thousand voices cried out at once, and were suddenly silenced.

Fortunately there was a black plastic bag into which the remains of Kim Kardashian was scooped and taken to St. Mary’s Hospital where a spokesperson for the hospital announced ‘we have the technology to rebuild her’.

See the offending trailer below:


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