audrey hepburn

HOLLYWOOD- Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall the actress they called the ‘elfin arse’: Audrey Hepburn.

I’d just been nominated for another Academy Award, when suddenly the telephone rang. It was my agent asking if I would like to do a picture with none other than Audrey Hepburn! Normally I’d jump at an offer like that because of my tax problems, but even the mention of her name struck terror into my soul! For years Jack Warner had kept Audrey locked in a cage because she used to bite the other actors, but ever since she ate Lionel Barrymore people had been just too scared to work with her. In their wisdom the heads of the studio had decided to relaunch Audrey’s career by casting her against type as a cannibalistic serial killer with yours truly as the FBI agent on her trail in It Tastes A Bit Like Chicken.  I thought that casting Audrey as a cannibal was a bit near the knuckle, but my bank manager talked me into it and I rolled up on set ready to start shooting. The crew wheeled Audrey’s cage out of her dressing room and removed the padlock, everyone stood well back, but she just lay in the corner whimpering. The poor dear obviously wasn’t well so the vet was called in and it transpired that she’d got food poisoning from Errol Flynn. They pumped her full of antibiotics and prescribed all sorts of medicine, but nothing really worked until she was offered the lead in My Fair Lady, and that perked her up no end! To my immense relief It Tastes A Bit Like Chicken was cancelled, but they did film it many years later as The Silence of The Lambs. I didn’t think Tony Hopkins was much good as Audrey Hepburn, but Jodie Foster had me down to a tee. The voice was uncanny! Apparently she was furious at having to shave off her beard to get the part, but that’s another story…

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