For Your Consideration

As award season approaches veteran ham Sir Edwin Fluffer shamelessly campaigns for the recognition he doesn’t really deserve. Here are just a few of his performances from the last year that the Academy won’t find difficult to ignore:

The Hobbit
I had a small but memorable scene in this little picture with that twinkly old darling Sir Ian McKellen, or Serena as I found he doesn’t like to be called. I played his doting father, Gandalf The Greyer, who insists his son wraps up warm before setting off on his big adventure. 
The 3D scarf and matching gloves I had to give him were almost frighteningly realistic. It’s a shame that my cameo didn’t make the final cut, but if they’re running short on Part Two or Part Three they can always pop it in later I suppose. The director, Peter Jackson, was an absolute sweetheart. I would tickle him under the chin and he’d chuckle like a little baby. In the end he had to ask me to stop it because we weren’t getting any work done.

Django Unchained
Let’s just say that westerns have changed a bit since my appearance all those years ago in Apache Chaps! Being the sort of actor who’ll do anything for money I was delighted to be on set with my dear old friend Samuel L. Jackson. We had a lovely chat and I told him all my favorite stories, like the time Gabby Hayes accidentally shot one of my fingers off, and dear old Sam said ‘shit, who is this guy? I can’t understand a word he’s saying!’ That’s Sammy for you: we just fell about laughing! Some of the language was a little ripe for my tastes and I did raise that with the director so I hope he’s turned it down a bit. I’ve not actually seen it yet, but I hope they’ve kept in the bit where I fall off the horse: it was an accident waiting to happen, but very funny. 
Young Leo DiCaprio actually wet himself.
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