fifty shades of grey

HOLLYWOOD – The producers behind smash hit movie Fifty Shades of Grey are planning on donating all the proceeds of the film to rich people who already have a lot of money.

The long awaited adaptation of E.L. James’ novel made a record breaking $240 million worldwide over the weekend, and looks set to become one of the biggest earners of the year. Producers immediately issued a statement saying that profits were going to be donated to rich people.

We are living in a time when rich people are in danger more than ever. From invasive tax policies that demand to know how much money they have to a public which doesn’t seem to understand just how difficult it is to be a really rich person. So this film does its best to redress this balance, showing the underdog Mr. Grey, to be a human being with a helipad and a glider and shit. When we realized how big the film was going to be we decided it was only right we give something back to the people we want this film to serve. The rich. The filthy rich.

Who do you plan to donate the money to specifically?

We’ve always said that charity starts at home, so we’re going to give a lot of the money to ourselves and the rest of it will go to the studio and the heads of the studio. Some will probably filter down to the shareholders, but that kind of socialism doesn’t interest us.

What do you say about those who have criticized the sexual politics of the film?

That’s precisely the kind of narrow minded nonsense we’ve come to expect from the lame stream media. We live in a post-feminist, post-everything world. Women like being stalked if they’re being stalked by money! Look at that suave Lothario Dominic Strauss-Kahn. Doesn’t everybody love him? Isn’t he just the best?

Fifty Shades of Grey is currently in theaters. 

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