HOLLYWOOD – A new fan theory about the mysterious identity of Lord Snoke in Star Wars The Force Awakens has broken the internet in China, state officials admitted today.
The theory, which was first aired on WeShitYouNot.com, states that the origins of Lord Snoke date all the way back to the prequel The Phantom Menace which was directed by George Lucas (the creator of the original Star Wars) in 1999.
The article argues as follows:
The Gungans are a race with incredible longevity. We already know that. We also know that having won the battle on Naboo almost single-handedly, Jar Jar Binks was largely sidelined by the Jedi and ostracized by the people he loved, including Anakin Skywalker. Having unsuccessfully moved into politics, he became increasingly involved with the machinations of Senator Palpatine who was to finally reveal himself as a Sith and proclaim himself emperor, having slaughtered the Jedi. But the cog in the machine was Jar Jar. Jar Jar had made it possible for Palpatine to defeat the Jedi. He was rewarded with a high rank in the Empire but once more was sidelined in favor of Darth Vadar, his old enemy Anakin Skywalker of course. With the defeat of the Emperor, Jar Jar managed to escape the Death Star #2, but not without being badly wounded, losing his floppy ears and his protruding eyes and his flappy mouth and having to have the whole lot replaced with a rather stupid looking CGI Andy Serkis suit. Using a voice scrambler and a projector he decided that he would create his own version of the Empire calling it the First Order and bossing it around via Skype.
Once the theory was translated into Chinese it began to make the rounds on social media helped by Weibo (the Chinese version of Twitter). Coinciding with the release of The Force Awakens in China the impact was such that entire city grids were left without power and some even said that the Chinese Premier Li Keqiang ‘shit himself’, so excited was he by the idea.