HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Bacon has changed his name to Kevin Kale.
Vegetarian activist and Cop Car actor Kevin Bacon will henceforth be known as Kevin Kale. He came into the Studio Exec Bungalow and spoke to the Studio Exec about this frankly nutso decision:
You know me Exec. I’ve been a vegetarian how many years. And this is both an ethical decision and an environmental one. In my life I practice ethical living as much as possible. I object to the slaughter of millions of innocent animals for our nutrition when so many alternatives are available which involve no suffering. And have far less impact on the environment. But then I walk around with a name that means basically Kevin Pig Murder.
Okay, but Kale?
What’s wrong with Kale?
Everything.
Okay I hear you. But you know what it’s like in Hollywood man. We had to focus group a bunch of names. Kevin Cauliflower, Kevin Turnip, Kevin Tomato, Kevin Radish. They all sounded ridiculous.
Yeah, but Kale?
Forget Kale.
Are you going to retrospectively change your credits?
Yes. Tremors starring Kevin Kale, Footloose starring Kevin Kale. Etc.