expendables3 lionsgate

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being regarded as an escalation in the battle between Studios and online piracy, The Expendables 3 have killed 6 alleged pirates who Lions Gate claim were responsible for uploading a stolen copy of the film and making it available for illegal download.

Following the first appearance of the digital file, Lions Gate initially threatened legal action, but at some point on Saturday an Exec at the studio suggested calling the cast of The Expendables 3 into action, Studio Exec has learned from an inside source:

Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham were joined by Jet Li and Antonio Banderas in a helicopter gunship which tracked the source of the theft to a small house in Alabama. They strafed the street and then roped in and killed 6 of the suspected villains, blowing them to pieces in their own inimitable fashion.

The police have responded to the killings by issuing a statement which reads as follows:

In the early hours of this morning, four famous Hollywood actors killed 6 individuals who may or may not have been guilty of copyright infringement and intellectual property theft. Reports have also reached us that much property was also destroyed. Everyone agrees – even bereaved relatives of the dead – that it was awesome. We are not pursuing any leads and consider the matter closed.

It is understood that Kelsey Grammer was not involved.

The Expendables 3 will stay make far too much money.  

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