SOUTH CAROLINA – Following the arrest and jailing of Kayla Michelle Finlay, Federal legal authorities are promising that anyone who intentionally bought or rented Monster-in-Law will be arrested and incarcerated for an undisclosed period of time.

Eric Holder the attorney general vowed to use the full force of his office to bring viewers of the Jennifer Lopez/Jane Fonda ‘comedy’ to justice retroactively. 

Notwithstanding the time that has passed we are confident that we can track down these individuals and bring down upon them the full weight of the law. 

Various civil rights groups initially wished to protest, but on fully apprehending the gravity of the charges and specifically the involvement of Jennifer Lopez in the case, have withdrawn all legal protests and are now refusing to contest the charges. A spokesperson for Amnesty International said:

We’re washing our hands of this case and any subsequent cases like it. Anyone who does what Kayla Michelle Finlay did, viciously and with knowledge of forethought sit down and watch this kind of pernicious slop frankly deserves whatever they get. However, we would contend that this is a dangerous precedent.  

However, Jennifer Lopez herself took the opportunity to respond through her lawyers:

When they came for those who watched Monster-in-Law, I said nothing. When they came for those who watched Maid in Manhattan, I looked the other way. When they came for The Wedding Organizer, there was no one left to speak out for me. 

If you have any information about people watching Jennifer Lopez comedies – with the exception of Out of Sight – please contact your local police department. 

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