emma watson

BALMORAL – Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) and Prince Harry Potter are to get married, the Palace announced today.

The a small private ceremony will take place at their former school of Hogwarts and will be attended by close friends and relatives. Friends of the couple said that the romance has been off / on for almost a year and were surprised at the sudden decision to commit.

Emma’s ex-boyfriend Ron Weasley said that he thinks Emma is making a mistake:

Prince Harry is not her type at all. She likes books and is clever, and he is the only person I know who would open a tube of Pringles sideways. She is cultured and a talented actor and he dresses as a Nazi for fun.

Is it possible that you’re just jealous?

Oh, absolutely. I screwed that up royally. Ha ha. Royally? No? Okay.

Kate Middleton and Prince William are understood to have gone on a secret double date with his brother and Emma, paint-balling. A court insider told the Exec:

It was totes rad. They were like absolutely covered in the umph-ka. Can you imagine it? Emma was bright magenta and the Duchess of Cornwall was lime green. Poor Harry had shot himself in the face peering down the barrel. But seemed none the worse for wear. And they were all laughing like incredibly well bred drains. I know they wanted J.K. Rowling to write the vows but they can’t afford her.

The Royal Wedding will take place sometime next week, following which Emma Watson will be known as Duchess Hermione of Granger.

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