HOLLYWOOD – America was shocked this morning after super villain Dr Doom destroyed Hollywood in an outrageous dawn attack.
Doom is thought to have used a device of alien origin, possibly the infinity gauntlet, to lay the town to waste and emergency services have been working through the night to put out the fires and tend to the wounded.
In the last hour President Barack Obama has given a press conference condemning Doom’s aggression as an “Act of War” and has ordered his military forces to increase their defence readiness to DEFCON 1.
The president also confirmed that he had received a letter from Doom a week before which gave a clear indication of his motive and intent. The letter was distributed to all major media outlets and below is an unedited copy of the original document.
Thanks for the hamper you sent me at Christmas. I must admit I’ve never been much of a fan of loganberries but the muffins Michelle made were particularly good.
I’m writing to you today because I have just seen the Academy award nominations and quite frankly, I’m disgusted.
No best picture nomination for The Master, no best supporting nomination for Leo DiCaprio’s terrific turn in Django Unchained. I know the Oscars has dropped a few clangers in it’s time (Goodfellas) and I can usually turn a blind eye; but when I heard ARGO had got the nod for best picture I felt I had no choice but to express my disapproval.
I know you don’t really get involved in such matters but if you could ask the Academy to swap ARGO for The Master and Alan Arkin for DiCaprio it would be much appreciated.
That’s all for now. I’m looking forward to seeing you, Michelle and the kids in Martha’s Vineyard this summer.
P.S Oh. Just to let you know that if it’s not possible to make those changes I requested I’m going to destroy Hollywood. I know, I know it’s a little bit dramatic but I am a super villain. Apologies in advance for any inconvenience this might cause you.
When asked why he didn’t take the letter seriously the President said he assumed Doom was “joking” and that he’d “pulled a similar stunt when they were in college together”.
We’ll bring you more news on the situation, when we get it.
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