NEW YORK – In a real twist to the race for president, it has been revealed that New York business tycoon and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s real name is actually Cletus Harkonnen.
The story was first broken by blogger Max Oxworth (click HERE for that story) who noted certain similarities between Trump and the Harkonnen family, but what was initially read as slightly nerdy satire has now been confirmed as FACT by the Studio Exec. Speaking to a close associate of the Trump family the anonymous source stated:
The fact is that Donald Trump’s family like everyone else except the remnants of the First Nations, comes from immigrant stock. Sometime in the early twentieth century a branch of House Harkonnen came to America from their home planet of Giedi Prime. They had substantial resources and from there was born the property portfoloio which would lie at the heart of the Trump fortune. Some dabbling in Spice as a commodity led to some bad losses and it was around this time that Junty Harkonnen (Donald Trump’s father) changed the family name to Trump, even though his son had already been born and named as Cletus Harkonnen.
Donald Trump’s older brother Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban refused the family name change however and is currently at large in Los Angeles having broken out of a federal prison where he was being held in perpetuity for various heinous crimes.
It is however still unclear how much, if at all, these revelations will hurt the Trump campaign. Political analyst Xavier Poulis commented today in French Cultural magazine Chapeau:
A large number of angry white men see the Harkonnen legacy of unbridled power, disturbing skin disease and sadistic violence not as negative points but as genuine reasons to vote Trump. How far Trump’s policy will be influenced by his family’s influence is yet to be seen, but it should be noted that all of Trump’s employees and campaign staff have been fitted with heart plugs.
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