NEW YORK – Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump has landed a contract to host a new reality show called Ask the Gays.

Whether he is President of the United States of America or not come November, Donald Trump is going to be plenty busy. He will host a new TV show in which the former Apprentice star will ask the homosexuality community ‘The Gays’ about a number of issues.

I’m hoping for personal grooming tips, economic advice and some feng shui. I mean the gays are so neat, where do they manage to put all their stuff? I mean is it storage or what? And they can wear colors that us straight men just can’t get away with it. I don’t know how they do that either. Of course I’m going to president so I’ll want them to help me our redecorating and I don’t have much time for music in my life so maybe they could do me a mix tape as the kids call it. Or something. A playlist? Is it now?

What else are you going to do on the show?

I’d like to have a bit where I throw one of them over a wall with a kind of old fashioned medieval catapult.

A trebuchet?

That sounds gay. Perfect! I can say something like you’re fired. Not actually you’re fired but something akin to it. And then fire them over the wall into Mexico. I’ll mainly be asking them about my hair. Like do you like my hair. Because the gays like hair. It’s one of the things they’re famous for. And if they say they don’t like it, I’ll know they’re not really gay, because Jeez look at it. It’s like a clown dreamt of cotton candy and my head happened.

Ask the Gays will be broadcast in January 2017.

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