DISNEY ANNOUNCES YODA CODA
HOLLYWOOD – Disney announces Yoda Coda: Yoda The Death Of.
Mousey streaming service giant, Disney announces their new film, Yoda Coda: Yoda The Death Of will stream on their subscription channel, Disney+.
Much Money Will You Pay
The Mickey Mouse film studio announced Star Wars fans will be able to stream the film on the Disney+ channel, for an additional fee, from Christmas Day onwards. It will then be moved into the main section of their streaming service once, ‘All your money, have we taken… heheheheh.’ A source within the company told The Exec.
Your Younglings, Nag They Will
The source continued, ‘The Mandalorian, great success has it been. Baby Yoda, many young fans has he. Nag their parents into buying this film, they will. Sick of the noise and desperate for quiet on Christmas Day, will adults be. Pay through the ass, they will.’
An Adult Craves Not These Things
‘Cashing in are we. Many adult fans of The Mandalorian there are. Collectibles, hah! Limited editions, hah! An adult craves not these things. For children are these. Toys they are called. Grow up, may these adults never. Deep are their pockets. Digital is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to streaming, streaming leads to subscriptions, subscriptions leads to suffering.
Control, Control, We Must Have Control
The announcement comes in the wake of Warner Bros declaring their entire 2021 slate will receive a digital release on HBO Max. Our inside source at Disney went on to say, ‘Warners trying to compete with us, abide we cannot. Begun these online wars have. Crush them, we will.’ Our source then closed his eyes, raised his three fingered hand-thing and floated out of the room.