HOLLYWOOD – As the final days in the trial of the century play out, the Depp Vs Heard movie has been announced with a cast already in place. The movie will be called Turds Of Endearment. Danny Devito will play Amber Heard and Johnny Depp will be played by Charlie Day. The Exec spoke with writer, director and producer on the project Sidney Fastbuck.
Sidney, Where Did You Get The Idea for a Depp Vs Heard Movie?
In a word? TikTok. My timeline is full of their bullshit. It used to be badly edited videos of dogs jumping over pools of crocodiles. But now, it’s one or both of them pouting like their life depended on it. So I thought, if these douchebags are getting rich from those douchebags, then why can’t I?
I Assume This Is Going To Be A Comedy?
Why would you assume that? I’ve written a heartbreaking drama about love gone bad.
But Your Cast Suggests It’s An Extended It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Episode.
It’s Always what now?
Sunny In Philadelphia. They Even Did An Episode Entitled Who Pooped The Bed.
I’ve never heard of that show in my life. If you ask me, it sounds disgusting. Who’s in it?
Your Two Leads, Danny DeVito and Charlie Day.
They never mentioned any of that to me. How weird is that? Still, it can’t be very popular if I’ve never heard of it.
It’s Ran For 15 Seasons So Far.
15? Huh. Well, it’s too late now, I’ve had the sets built. Do you know how expensive it was to recreate all the Pirates Of The Caribbean, Aquaman and Justice League sets? $440million. Just for a few shots of them in their respective careers.
Could You Not Get The Rights To Use Actual Footage From Those Movies?
Sorry, do what?
Surely It Would Have Been Far Cheaper To Just Buy The Footage Of Those Films.
Son of a bitch. I never thought of that. You’re a smart kid, y’know.