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Monday 30 November 2020
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DAVID SCHWIMMER ADMITS TO BEING THE ROBERT KARDASHIAN HOLOGRAM

DAVID SCHWIMMER ADMITS TO BEING THE ROBERT KARDASHIAN HOLOGRAM

HOLLYWOOD – David Schwimmer pleads for freedom after admitting to Robert Kardashian hologram role.

David Schwimmer announced today that he was the Robert Kardashian hologram. He told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Kanye West phoned me and asked me would I like to do a thing for Kim’s birthday. I said I’d love to expecting that we might be doing a Friends skit or something. I know Kim loves the show. But he wanted me to reprise my role as Robert Kardashian, which I had played to universal praise in the OJ Simpson movie. As soon as he said that I said no.

Why?

I don’t want to get typecast. Something I learned coming off of Friends. People will always see you as Ross if you don’t diversify and that’s what led me to do a whole slew of different roles.  Now people see my name and if someone mentions Friends, they’re like: oh yeah David was in Friends, I forgot.

david schwimmer robert kardashian hologram

So what happened next?

I was walking in the park and I fell over. A tranquiliser dart had hit me. They bundled me in a van and drove to a helipad. In an unknown location they shaved my body hair and scanned me from nut sack to toupe.  It was humiliating. Then they shoved me and a poor fitting suit and forced me to learn this script all about farting. It felt bizarre, but Kanye kept saying that when he’s President he’s gonna do this to me and that to me. He’s very intimidating in real life. Not the cuddly guy you see on TV.

And how did it end?

I did the most convincing performance of my career. Better even than Ross in Friends.

You were in Friends?

You see!?

David Schwimmer will be directing a musical version of The Serbian Film for Broadway in 2021.

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