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Wednesday 15 July 2020
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DAVID FINCHER PLANS EASTENDERS FOR HBO

DAVID FINCHER PLANS EASTENDERS FOR HBO

 LONDON – David Fincher‘s relentless pursuit of good ideas, no matter where it takes him, continues with the announcement that his production company has bought the rights to British soap opera EastEnders which he will convert into a 13 part HBO series with a big name cast.

Following on from the success of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and House of Cards, Fincher has been channel surfing when not sending his winged monkeys to Scandinavia with their large sticky nets. Although originally in a bidding war with ABC for Coronation Street, Fincher finally succeeded in securing the rights to EastEnders and promised a top quality adult themed drama with top end star power and high production values.

‘It’ll be like Desperate Housewives,’ said Mr. Panic Room. ‘But the house wives will be British, have bad teeth and be really desperate. Like Desperately Sad Housewives. Hey you know Chico, write that down.’

Jude Law has already been cast as Dirty Den, and says he’s delighted and has perfected his German accent especially. Julianne Moore is in talks to play Angie and Tom Hiddleston will play carrot top Ian.

Five things to know about the BBC’s EastEnders.


  1. It’s set in London but not in the West End of London, nor the North, nor the South, but the East End.
  2. Traditionally EastEnders is thoroughly miserable, except at Christmas when it is traditionally extra super fucking miserable with at least one major cast member killing themselves. David Fincher praised the soap opera’s ‘unflinching stare into the abyss of British life’. 
  3. The theme music has been named by the Metropolitan Police as a major cause of Urban Crime. 
  4. Cast members have been known to run away to the army in order to avoid being in future episodes. One famous ‘actor’, Ross Kemp, even tried to get himself killed in Afghanistan.
  5. The new David Fincher series will be relocated to Hawaii. The East End of Hawaii.

 

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